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Friday, March 11th, 2005
6:38 pm - LEAVE ME THE FUK ALONE
I am so done with my livejournal at the moment i dont know i might be back all I can say is I am single and loving it. I have like 3 guys in mind right now one I know pretty well one like i only talk to less then 30 minutes of the day..if anythings needed but i think he is hot..mmhhmm...then there is this other guy but he doesnt go to our school. yeppers it was time for a fucking change around here, but thats all i want to say the people that are close to me know what i think they should know. whoa shit i wasnt even going to come home today i felt like shit but yeh then yeh and i also found out that if i got the money to take the metro where i wanted to i still wouldnt have a ride to where i needa go after that. yeh anyways. i dont know

current mood: t--- hyper
current music: FUK YOU

(12 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
6:13 pm - I have become comfortably numb
Anyways I am bored off my ass...Rain at schools fun. hmm... I dont know what to say really I had a good valentines day and bithday. Jessica completly suprised me...lol Thank you for that. Uhh Ashleys party is on Saturday and then there is battle of the bands friday. I think my homie is going to pick me up that night from Ahsleys partay and then we are going to chill. Yeps. I would go more into detail but i dont want to. Then Sunday I am going to see my other homie I think, we are going to go see a movie yes.. Lol I loev the rain. Anyways 6th period was fun walked around with Laura and stuff, passed by really quickly. Shes an awesome chik. yeps. I hate it that Juans grounded though, cuz then when I get an amazing idea i cant call him and tell him lol. Oohhh yesh the 21 that was my day some of you are privileged an should know what that day is...*cough*jessica*cough* lol uhh yeh I think thats it.. I heart you losers an sorry for not updating in a while I didnt have my computer...^.~ OO One last thing i ma confused about several issues...lol...omg oo well time will tell me and whatever happens happens hopefully its the right thing.

current mood: amused
current music: AFI--Head LIke A HOle

(4 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Monday, February 14th, 2005
6:11 pm - oops!
I fergot to wear a bra today, oops!!!

current mood: angry
current music: AFI

(8 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Wednesday, February 9th, 2005
3:50 pm - Please Don't Do This Why Won't You Look At Me
I have been so out of it today. Especially after fourth. I dont know all fucking day after that I have just felt like breaking down and crying. All the little things seem to be getting to me. I hate it, partially this is because I hate it when people lie to me. Honestly I would rather be told the truth then later find out that you lied to me wihch is so much worse.  Today is the day before my birthday, I at least thought I would be happy about that but right now I am not. Whatever happens happens now, I heart afee..We all have no chance in this horrid romance.. tralal Oh yeh yesturday I got a bass...And it is red, and pretty. My mommy also got me a ring and it has my birthstone on it, an my Cousin Brain got me some panties( they say hot stuff..lol), a candle, towelettes to take make up off, and some dum gum with our president on it...That was good.
I cannot leave here I cannot stay. Forever haunted more then afraid. Asfixiated on words I would say. I am drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue. There are no flowers no not this time.There are no angles gracing th lines.Just these stark words I find. I would show a smile but I am to weak. I would share with you could I only speak just how much this hurts me. I canot stay here I cannot leave. Just like all I loved I am make belive. Imagined heart I disapear, seems no one will come and make me real.



current mood: Crumbling InThese Days.
current music: AFI--Sing the Sorrow

(10 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Sunday, February 6th, 2005
12:20 am
</h2>1. You must tell 7 people about this game.
2. juan is the one that you love.
3. dee is one you like but can't work out.
4. You care most about jessica.
5. natalie is the one who knows you very well.
6. tiff is your lucky star.
7. november rains is the song that matches with the person in number 3 (juan).
8. halloween is the song for the person in 7 (dee).
9. paranoid is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
10. and scar tissue is the song telling you how you feel about life
Take this quiz

I heart you freaking losers, and remember that there are 5 days left until my birthday which means you need to get me something...your best bet would to be to stay along the lines of AFI...i dont care if  I have more then one of the same cds...
Today was such a good day..Me and Juan have been together for four months all together.. I am soo happy. The only down part was I didn't get to spend it with him, but I don't care. It is all good. So today I went to the mall and hanged out with Dee, Eric, Amanda, Britney, and Liz...teheh. It was fun we walked around alot and then i made Dee be my pillow. Lol. Funess..Well thats it I am going to go finish making some stuff for this super bowl party my aunts having.Honestly whats so good about superbowl...Oh yeh the new semester is going to start on Monday. Hope everyone gets what they want...<3 Sweet Dreams




current mood: tralala
current music: Troy on the bass playing Pink Panther

(8 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Friday, February 4th, 2005
9:31 pm - Come As You Are

If you read this, Even if I don't speak to you often, You must post a memory of me. It can be anything you want-- good or bad, Just as long as it happened. Then post this to your journal and see what people remember about you...

Blah so right now I am in Santa Clarita and I am just chilling. Yeppers I dont know why but I am soo tired....oh well. I wanted to go to the mall to see Dee and Eric, but that didnt happen...I will make them go tomorrow when I go thehe. But the good thing that happened was I was walking out of this one place at Grannery Square and I looked to my right and I fuking see Lonnie...It was great I have missed him for like a long time, cuz whenever I was able to come here he would be gone out of the state...: ( And yeh we hugged and talked about how we were, and everything I gave him my new number.. Damn well thats it for now I am going to go an get in my p.j's woot.

 



current mood: I am really sad bout tomorrow.
current music: Blind Melon--No Rain

(32 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Thursday, February 3rd, 2005
9:03 pm - I am all I wanna be..A walking study...In Demonolgy..
Yeh so right now i am bored...off my ass waiting for a booty call..tehehe.. anyways finals are going good..Today was stressful, I hate biology and I had to sit for two hours in that class. Then there was nutrition which I really dont want to talk about...Fuking crazy shit.  Then I had two hours of p.e. that wasnt so bad cuz during the last hour I basically did nothing...Yeppers..So...ugh I want my mom to leave so I can run around naked and feel free...tehehe. Today I went to the mall, and got some clothes..then they guy at starbucks was flirting with me soo much lol..oh well I am taken. I dont know what to say. ..Oh yeh I am mad cuz I think someone forgot something but I wont say and if that person has forgotten then I will be like "Oh hell nawa biatch!" lol.. I hope they didnt that would be sad..Oh well I cant wait for tomorrow to be over cuz Its the last day of finals and I am going to stay in Santa Clarita this weekend hopefully I might come back on Sat for something though.../well I am going to go take a shower so I dont smell...I heart you losers.


current mood: Please Remember
current music: HIM--Poison Girl

(9 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Monday, January 31st, 2005
6:21 pm - Live Through This With Me And I Swear That I Will Die For You
OH YES!!!! -ORGASIMS-  TEHEHE HOW SEXY....IS THIS MAN?  I THINK HE IS ONE OF THE SEXYEST MEN ALIVE...(I HEART YOU JAUN) LOL...YEH ANYWAYS...ON TO OTHER THINGS.. Today was fun my bestest friend kinda hurt me and made me cry but I will talk to her about that. My mom thought that I had 1500 minutes when I knew that I had 3000 and she like flipped out because used like 1566 lol and she was like no more  phone for you lol...Then on the way home my mom was like, Emily have you had your monthly yet? And I told her no that I was 8 days late...Then she was like do I need to buy you a test and I was like No and she went into shock cuz I had the look like I was lying on my face and she was freaking out like OMG my daughters pregnant What is Dave going to do...lol..then i told her i have already had it this month lol...It was soo funny...Hey Jessica, "whats going to happen to my hole?" lol funny shit I still cant believe you swallowed that lol. Tomorrow I am going to go to Juans house how much fun...tehehe. hmm what else happened today? Oh yeh...uhh I uhh went to my classes, studied, uhh and then I came home and had some el cafe from starbucks..Yummy, Now I am just sitting here bored so I thought I would update for you losers..lol..j/k  Okies so I tried calling my dad but he is MIA I guess he moved and doesnt live where he used to live anymore, or work where he used to...Which suks I miss him in a weird way. I just want to know if he is alright and not in jail again lol...muah Oh yeh 11 days until my birthday beeches, you better get me something..tehehe..

current mood: Runaway, Runaway From The Pain
current music: Aerosmith-Janies Got A Gun

(14 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Thursday, January 27th, 2005
8:23 pm - --kisses--
[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the best memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you if so how?
[10] Would you hug me?
[12] Where did I first meet you at?

[15] Are we close?
[16] Emotionally, what stands out?
[17] Do you wish I was cooler?
[18] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I to you?
[19] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[20] Am I loveable?
[21] How long have you known me?
[22] Describe me in one word.
[23] What was your first impression?
[24] Do you still think that way about me now?
[25] What do you think my weakness is?
[26] Do you think I'll get married?
[27] What about me makes you happy?
[28] What about me makes you sad?
[29] What reminds you of me?
[30] Do you think I’ll ever become famous?

[31] How well do you know me?
[32] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[33] Do you think I would kill someone?
[34] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

current mood: i wonder why....<3
current music: Guns n' Roses--November Rains

(35 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
9:52 pm - Hey This Life Is Never Fair, The Angels That We Need Are Never There
Your milk makes me mind Your milk gets so sour And i can only cry And i can only cower And i can only cry You have all the power

I fucking love my boyfriend godammit. Ugh I am alright right now, just tired and I don't know why. I have been very bitchy this week and I am sorry to those that I have taken that out on. You dont diserve it, at all. You know I flipping love you no matter what. I cannot wait until friday I am going to like make my mommy take me to Santa Clarita so I can hang out with some people. Then on Saturday I will come back i dont know what I am doing with the rest of my weekend. Call me if you want to do anything. Ugh now my cousin wants to use the comp...So I will go and shower. --Tonight Baby You Can Fly-- <33

Was she asking for it? Was she asking nice? Yeah, If she was asking you for it... Did she ask you twice?

current mood: Penis! Its Whats For Dinner!
current music: Sof Cell--Tainted Love

(8 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
10:36 pm
Bleh. I am okay right now I think. I found out that someone I love has been lying to me. It sucks. Well I hope what i found meant nothing. But with what the stupid ass chick said I dont know. It makes me feel like everything that went on was a lie, an that all of the I love yous meant nothing. Whatever we will see what happens. So I got a cell 2706288 holla beeches. I have also been trying to call my daddy...but so far no answer. I really would like to talk to him, but sometimes i dont know why. W/e blah the Colbalt with Jessia was fun i think we went Friday night but i didnt get to see COI play. Oh well. Then the guitarist form Blasphemy Squad was all hitting on me his names jose. tralala. Yeh i dont know then like on Saturday I dont remember what i did after Jessica left. But today one of me homies came over and we chilled i think thats it doe now i will update later.

current mood: Liars are Fucktards
current music: Nirvana--Rape Me

(7 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
8:50 pm
Blah  Dont i look oh so beautiful in that pic? Tehehe I took that while I was with Jessica, her aunt, and her cousin. We saw the movie In Good Company, it was really good.   I had fun.  Today was good i guess, well at least until I found something and I was like whoa. But  that doesnt even matter. I need to get over  myself and just fuking let some shit go.   I will have to work on that, because it will take some time.  Jessica thanx for cutting my hair i love it. -hugs- Oh yeh well I think thats it for now.

current mood: fuk off beeches
current music: The News

(4 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Friday, January 14th, 2005
12:17 pm

aww hoqw cute me an jason tralalala

emily and georgie yayness i love him soo much everyone go smell him

and two other sexy people.....jessica and sam

okies well yehn i am in my english class and i am being bored. at least i can go on the comp... Anthony took some pics of me. I wanted to put some of my other pics on here but the school comp wont let me go to my email to save them an stuff oh well. Todays going good yesturday i was with jessica i stayed the night at her dads house it was fun. well i think thats it for now i love my b/f and stuff.



current mood: when i wake up in my make up..
current music: Hole--Celebrity Skin

(10 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Sunday, January 9th, 2005
3:48 am - I Miss Having My Comp
Oh yeh well My break has been very good. Especially today, although i did hear somethings that i didnt like to hear. But it is okay I dont mind hearing peoples opinions except when they make me think bad tings like they did today seriously. Whatever I will make it through and hopefully everything will end up okay yeh so today O went to the Galleria had some fun went home didnt feel like being around my mom so I came here to my aunts house. it is cool i have been "sick" and so i have been drinking like litterally 15 cups of tea a day and so i have to pee like every hour and it sucks soooo much ...lol..tomorrow i will finish my english and then maybe finish my bio if not tomorrow then on monday. yeh well right now i think i am happy and thats good uhhh my cousin brian has been staying with me and everything since like x-mas and he is gay so you think he would be clean and stuff butttt nooooo he isnt i almost broke all my bones just trying to tearn the light on. seriously. then my mom made us clean it lie 4 times but he never really cleaned it was really just me and i dont want ot clean his things and he told on me for some stupid things when he has done sooo much like was going to have sex at my house and lied to my mom alot an everything, and i am the one that gets into trouble for the small things. Then cuz of that i had to be lectured for like hours oh well i think i am going to go so i dont bore you guys anymore.love ya
Jessica---I love you thanks for being there and being honest
Rox---You will make it through this


it is now 8 47 in the morning i could not sleep last night at all and i read some shit and now i am fuking miserable now that i am cant you all be fuking happy i just want to be numb to all feelings
let the rain continue to poor i fuking love it

current mood: now i would like to die
current music: Hole Dying

(8 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
10:09 pm - --Smokes a Cigg--
Being home alone is so good for me sometimes. I just get to relax and do what I want without people telling me what to do. Well today was fun I had about 4 hours of sleep then I went shopping for people. Tomorrow I will finish that. My aunt Bitsy got me the Nirvana Box Set thingymajig it is the shit, I am going to watch it tonight. Uhh tomorrow shall basically be my Christmas considering Dave is working on Christmas and my brother and his Fiance are coming over and stuff. Oh yeh my moms making me clean my room which isnt dirty cuz of me, whenever Brian comes over everything gets messy. Stupid people. Oh, Happy Birthday Diane I hope it was great. I thats it for now. I will update some more later.

current mood: Headache....Grr
current music: Marilyn Manson--I Dont Like the Drugs but the Drugs Like Me

(18 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Saturday, December 18th, 2004
9:23 pm - dANCES iN dARKNESS--tO mY oWN bEAT

Okies this past week has been a good one. Uhh...yeh, School was good and now vaction has started.. That makes me happy because I need a break from school work.  Okay so Friday was fun. Uhh some people went to Stich's and everything --(Rammy Alex and David).Had some fun...played games and hung out pretty much. Then Jessia and I went to Del Taco, then to Mallory's David's house to get my sweater an to give Mallory hers. The Mallory, Jessica, and i went an got Cookie. Went to Cookies an then Me and Jessica left. I went with Jessica to her house did some stuff...like Watch T.V., listen to music make a comic, look at pics, and talk. Then i got picked up...Did some stuff with my mom an came home. Yeh. I hope my mom gets off her rag or something because I had alot of things to do today...but no I couldnt do them, and she gave me no reason why I couldnt. Oh well.    

I hurt myself today to see if I still feel I focus on the pain the only thing that's real The needle tears a hole the old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away but I remember everything What have I become? My sweetest friend Everyone I know goes away in the end You can have it all my empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt. If I could start again a million miles away i would keep myself I would find a way

i tHINK tHIS bEATS jESSICA'S sHROOMS cOMIC    aLWYAS lOVE...eMILY

p.s. tHANX fOR mAKING mY iCON dESIREE. <3

current mood: jubilant
current music: tHE sMITHS--gIRL aFRAID

(22 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Sunday, December 12th, 2004
10:54 pm - Don't Punish Me With Brutality
Ahh this weekend has been a very good one. My brother and My cousin paid me back the money that they owe me and I helped my aunt decorate her house and she wants to pay me. Yeh Then I went to my aunt Bitsys house and it was my cousins birthday an so we went bowling. I did okay. Eric and Dee came I have missed him. Then we went home and Rachel and Natasha stayed the night and I talked to Dee from 12-4 in the morning. That was quite interesting he told me that he has liked me for more then a year. Then today we went to the mall I got four people there christmas gifts. Then like right before I was leaving the mall Dee asked me out. I told him no and then I told him it was because I am seeing someone. I felt bad I dont like turning people down. But it is cool and we are still good friends. I am doing good with my sXe thing. We will se what happens this week. I am going to try really hard to go to my next 30 classes and not ditch any...Doing good for myself is hard. Andy thanks for the support. Mucho Amor.

Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been
It's your right and your ability
To become…my perfect enemy…

Wake up and face me, don’t play dead cause maybe
Someday I’ll walk away and say, “You disappoint me,”
Maybe you’re better off this way

Go ahead and play dead
I know that you can hear this
Go ahead and play dead
Why can't you turn and face me?

current mood: ecstatic
current music: A Perfect Circle--People Are People

(24 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
9:51 pm - what was it i was thinking, or was i even thinking at all?
I am not in a good mood right now. People suck. I am going to try seriously, to be sXe agian. I really want to because there is someone that I care about, and yeh. I dont know though, I am seriously getting tired of people talking shit about me, it is so fucking stupid and if they dont like me that much then you shouldnt waste your time talking about me...Or if you are then say it to my face. Anyways...Last weekend was fun. I was at CSUN with Jessica all weekend for some debate thing she made it to finals I am pround of her. Boredness sucks. Teddy your cool, and I today was fun with my stupidness before we walked through the hole in the fence...lol..(inside joke) Ugh, I feel like I dont know...But that doesnt matter. Hopefully the rest of this week will be better.

i have slipped and i have fallen so far down i can't get out. overwhelmed by my doubt. things i said i'd never do i've done. those i said i'd never be i've become. i have broken - i'm still breaking - cracked and wrecked, beyond repair. smacks me in the face every time i fall. i cannot disregard, with each new fall i hit twice as hard. would you be there for me? i would. would you look up to see? i would. falling forward and looking up.

I do care....<3 For you I shall stop.

current mood: annoyed
current music: Red Hot Chilli Peppers-Under The Bridge

(16 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
6:53 pm - I Fell Like Shit--Unloved
I feel horrible, I don't know what to do right now, there is alot of things going on with me. I know whats right and whats wrong...But I cant help it if I want the wrong right now. So confused as to what I want. W/e it doesn't matter. Today was boring/fun..Bored. I don't know what to say, So I guess I will go and be emo for awhile.

I tell you everything
And I hope that you won't tell on me
I'd give you anything
I know that you won't tell on me

It only makes me mind
Your milk is so sour
And I can only cry
And I can only cower
And I can only cry
You have all the power

I've got a blister from touching everything I see
The abyss opens up
It steals everything from me

current mood: blah..
current music: Hole--Guttless

(18 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)

Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
12:15 pm
1. Name: emily
2. Single or taken: Single
3. Sex: female
4. Bday: 2/10/1990
5. Sign: aquairis
6. Siblings:some older brother
7. Hair Color: black/brown
8. Eye Color: hazel
9. Shoe Size: 5 in men
10. Height: 5'

r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. Who are your best friends?: Jessica, Natalya, Sam, Byron, Jessi, Desiree
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No but i want one

s p e c i f i c s
1. Do you do drugs?: NO but I would liek to try somethings.
2. What kind of shampoo do you use?: Pantien
3. What are you most scared of?: uhh getting caught for doing something stupid
4. What are you listening to right now?: AFI
5. Who is the last person that called you?: Brian
6. Where do you want to get married?: Beach
7. How many buddies are online right now?: 29
8. What would you change about yourself? i would be skinny

f a v o r i t e s
1. Color: grey
2. Food: philipino
3. Boy's names: Pancho
4. Girl's names: Crystal-Meth
5. Subjects in school: wow...Uhhh..English
6. Animals: My pink Hampster named DJ
7. Sports: Baseball

h a v e | y o u | e v e r
1. Given anyone a bath?: yeh my baby cousin
2. Smoked?: yep...only a ciggerette
3. Bungee jumped?: no but i did that thing at magic mountain
4. Made yourself throw up?: no
5. Skinny dipped?: yeh
6: Ever been in love?: yeh and i still love him
7. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: no
8. Cried when someone died: who doesnt??
9. Lied: as always..only ot authority
10. Fallen for your best friend?: once but then i was like hey lets be friends again
11. Been rejected?: a few times
12. Rejected someone?: yes
13. Used someone?: never
14. Done something you regret?: yeh
15. Had sex?: no
16. Thought about commiting suicide?: rather not tell

c u r r e n t
Clothes: AFI shirt Dickies sweater Jeans Panites Bra Socks Shoes
Make-up: chap stick
Annoyance: posuers
Smell: pretty
Favorite artists: too many
Favorite group: AFI
Desktop picture: a pic of AFI
Book you're reading: uhh..Crow River
CD in player: A Perfect Circle--Emotive
DVD in player: The Crow
Color of toenails: normal

l a s t | p e r s o n
You touched: Sam
Hugged: Natalya
You IMed: Desiree
You yelled at: ...Mom

a r e | y o u
Understanding: yeh
Open-minded: sometimes
Interesting: at times..
Random: most of the time
Hungry: yeh
Smart: fuck yea!(believe it or not)
Hard working:i'll try my hardest
Organized: yeh
Shy: alot
Difficult: a little...*cough*
Attractive: how should i kno??..people say i am
Bored easily: no
Messy: yeh
Responsible: when i want to be
Obsessed: i am not obbsessed about anything
Angry: yeh at my family an at stupid people
Sad: also alot
Happy: Yeh when i wanna be
Hyper: sometimes
Trusting: yeah
Talkative: yeh

w h o | d o | y o u | w a n n a
Kill: its a secret
Slap: Jessica--the blone one
Look like: myself
Talk to offline: Jessica, Lonnie
Talk to online: Everyone

r a n d o m
In the morning I am: tired
All I need is: Someone
Love is: hard to find

w h i c h | i s | b e t t e r
Coke or Pepsi: i hate coke, pepsi is much better
Flowers or Candy: flowers cuz czndy will make me fat

o p p o s i t e | s e x
What do you notice first: music style personality
First person you slow danced with: travis watson
Worst question to ask: are you a bi haha...seriously..
What makes you laugh the most: what they say
What makes you smile: just seeing them
Who gives you a funny feeling when you see them?: Guys that are hot
Who do you have a crush on: Someone
Who has a crush on you: I donno
Is easiest to talk to: Jessica/Natalya

N u m b e r
Of times I have had my heart broken: plenty
Number of hearts i have broken: i dont know
Of guys ive kissed: uh..like 5 or 6
Of girls ive kissed: uhh none
Of continents I have lived in: 1
Of tight friends: too many
Of cds I own: a hundred +
Of scars on my body: a shit load
Two of the things that I regret: i'd rather not say in public


I love going online during school yeh well I love you all and I hope you like this test thingymajig...<3

current mood: bouncy
current music: APC--Passive

(28 Can't Look Me In The Eye | .....)


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